Children Don't Always Get To Grow Up
by wild-angel82
Summary: JJ tells Emily about her sister. JJ/Emily femslash or friendship, whichever way you choose to look at it really.


Title: Children Don't Always Get To Grow Up

Pairing: Emily/JJ

Summary: JJ tells Emily about her sister.

Rating: PG/K

A/N: This was written immediately after I watched episode 5.13. I sooo desperately wanted for Emily to be the one JJ talks to about her sister, so here's what I came up with for the lack of such conversation on my screen :D I only "stole" the lines about the necklace. And we never really learned much about the relationship between JJ and her sister, so this is just what came to me… After all, that's why it's called fan fiction :D I hope you enjoy!

**Children Don't Always Get To Grow Up**

JJ stood by the coffee machine on the plane wondering if she really needed coffee or if she just needed to get away from everybody else. She didn't really realize how much that case had hit her until she was on her way back home. She was always sympathetic with victims' families and it always broke her heart to see someone lose a friend, a daughter, a sister… But this was different. Those families thought they had lost someone who had decided to take their own life and it killed JJ to see the sadness and pain in their eyes. And the entire time they were in Wyoming, she had tried so hard to push her own memories to the back of her mind, but she was no longer able to do that. They had somewhat helped the families and she was glad they had been able to assure those left behind that their loved ones hadn't really killed themselves. It wasn't going to bring anyone back, but she hoped that knowing this wasn't a suicide would bring some sort of comfort to those poor people. She tried to think back to what had happened to her sister and she wondered if it had been any easier if somebody had told them that it hadn't been a suicide and that her sister hadn't really wanted to end her life.

JJ realized she had been fidgeting with her sister's necklace for a while now. Her hand was all sweaty and hot, but she just couldn't stop holding on to the necklace as hard as she could.

She tried to sneak a peek around the plane to see what everyone else was doing. It looked like they were all engaged in some sort of a conversation, which made her really glad, because it gave her some time to pull herself together before she had to face them again. She really didn't wanna make a big deal out of this and she wasn't sure if she was ready to talk about it, so she preferred that they didn't know anything.

Emily, though indeed engaged in a lively conversation with Reid about falling stars and love, couldn't help, but watch JJ with the corner of her eye. She had gotten an impression that for some reason JJ had been distracted during the case, but she figured it must have been the fact that there were so many really young victims in this entire case. It always hit JJ hard when teenagers were involved, but Emily sensed that this time there was something more to it.

For a moment Emily wondered what to do. She could definitely tell that JJ was upset, but she had no idea why or if the blonde would want to talk about it. On the other hand, though, she just couldn't stand seeing JJ like this and figured that maybe talking to someone would help the liaison face whatever it was that was bothering her. Emily wanted to be a good friend, she just wasn't sure what a good friend was supposed to do in a situation like this.

Finally, after a minute or so, Emily decided she couldn't just let it go.

"I'll be right back." She smiled at Reid and waited until he nodded with acknowledgement, before making her way towards the coffee machine. When she got closer to JJ, she one more time hesitated, but when she saw JJ looking at her with those sad, blue eyes, Emily knew she wasn't going to be able to just turn around and get back to her seat.

"Hey." Emily smiled gently, trying to read from JJ's face if the blonde was very annoyed with her company. It didn't look like she was, so Emily decided to stay.

"Hey." JJ replied and took a deep sigh. It felt to Emily like maybe JJ wanted to say something, but she didn't know how to start.

"Are you OK?" Emily asked, even though she could see that JJ was definitely not fine. And deep down JJ was aware of the fact how well Emily could read her, so she didn't bother lying.

"Not really." She whispered and Emily could see how hard it had been on JJ to keep inside whatever it was that she was so afraid of talking about. Emily waited for a moment, to see if JJ wanted to say something else, but apparently JJ wasn't ready yet.

"I watched you on this case, JJ." Emily finally admitted with a sigh and a little scared about what mentioning that could lead to. "And I can see that something is wrong. You've just been… different." Emily paused for a moment. "I don't know what it is, but it makes me worried, because whatever it is, it must be huge, and it's clearly killing you." Emily looked at JJ concerned and JJ almost felt bad for Emily that her behavior affected the brunette like that. Except that she couldn't help feeling the way she did. She couldn't help her mind from being flooded with memories of her sister and of everything that happened after her sister was… gone.

Emily looked into JJ's eyes and could see very clearly how the blonde was struggling with her own feelings and emotions and apparently wondering whether talking about it would make it better or worse.

"OK then, you know where to find me in case you wanna talk or something." Emily finally decided that she wasn't going to push it and turned around to go back to her seat.

"Don't go." She heard JJ's voice behind her and immediately stopped. When she turned around she couldn't help but notice how scared JJ still was of talking about whatever was bothering her. "Please, don't go." JJ repeated and Emily could hear desperation in her voice. She walked up to the blonde and covered her hand with hers.

"Whenever you're ready." Emily said softly and looked at JJ to let her know she would do anything the liaison needed her to do. For a minute or two, there was a complete silence, until JJ finally spoke.

"It's about my sister." She started as she took a deep breath and Emily couldn't stop feeling so bad for JJ and whatever she must have gone through in the past. "She…" JJ tried to get the words out, but she couldn't. After all those years, she still couldn't say it.

"I think I know." Emily said quickly, trying to prevent JJ from having to say what was obviously so terrifying for her. "I figured this had to be something really big…" Emily started, but she really didn't know what she was supposed to say to make it better, so she simply said, "I'm so sorry, JJ."

JJ took another deep breath and continued her story, "I was eleven when… when it happened. My sister was a couple of years older and I honestly thought she was the coolest creature on earth." JJ almost smiled at the memory of her sister. "Of course the feelings were not mutual. To her I was just an annoying little sister who didn't know how to mind her own business." JJ sighed. "And I really didn't I guess… I just always wanted to be like her. She was so pretty and energetic. I always tried to spend as much time as I could with her. It drove her absolutely insane." JJ managed a laugh and Emily realized that talking about her sister was becoming more and more easier for JJ.

"I can imagine." Emily said and she really was trying to imagine JJ as a noisy 11-year old. She must have been one perky little kid, Emily had no doubt about it.

"I mean she had her own world," JJ continued, "Friends, boyfriends, you know 'grown up' stuff as she used to say." JJ smiled at the memory of her sister insisting that she had grown up things to do, when she was only a teenager. "A younger sister didn't really fit into that world I guess."

"That's how those things work sometimes." Emily smiled gently.

"They do I guess." JJ agreed. "I remember this one time I asked her to play cards with me, and she wouldn't, because she had planned an evening out with her friends. So when she was about to leave I, I took her car keys and hid them under my bed. She spent 20 minutes looking for them and of course I thought that if she didn't find them, she would just stay home with me. But she called one of her friends to pick her up. When she left, my mom found me with the keys and the next day she made me apologize to my sister. My sister was so mad at me, I seriously thought she was never going to speak to me again."

"I didn't know you were this sneaky when you were younger." Emily smiled and the image of little Jennifer Jareau stealing her sister's car keys and hiding them under her bed. "She did speak to you, though, right?"

" She did. But she was mad at me for like two whole weeks. We would always argue about something, you know? Silly stuff mostly… And everyone kept saying that we would grow out of it. That kids always argue when they are young, but they become friends when they grow up." JJ took a deep breath and Emily could see that the blonde's eyes were getting wet. "Except that… She never got a chance to grow up." JJ was now shivering and a couple of tears appeared on her cheeks. "And we never got a chance to see what it would be like between us if we were both grown up. I think we would have been good friends, you know?" She looked at Emily all teary-eyed. "Because deep down, I know that she loved me. Or at least that's what I wanna believe."

"I'm sure she did, honey, I'm sure she did." Emily squeezed JJ's hand gently and noticed JJ playing with her necklace. "The necklace…" She started, but JJ wouldn't even let her ask the question.

"She gave it to me when I was eleven." JJ almost whispered as she thought back to when she came into possession of the necklace. "She just came into my bedroom one afternoon and told me that no matter what happened, she loved me. This was her favorite necklace, so I told her I couldn't take it, but she insisted. I, of course, was secretly very happy, because I always wanted one just like hers." JJ stopped for a moment and Emily could see that she was now trying really hard to hold back to tears.

"Spontaneous proclamations of love?" Emily asked after a moment, referring to the conversation they had had on the way to Wyoming. JJ nodded in confirmation, tears now running down her cheeks. Emily almost couldn't stand it. "That was the last time I ever spoke to my sister." JJ finished and for a minute they stayed silent. Emily was desperately trying to think of something to say or do to make JJ feel any better, but she couldn't come up with anything.

"That's why you know so much about suicides?" Emily finally thought back to JJ's behavior on the case and how much the blonde seemed to know about the situation they were dealing with.

"Yeah." JJ sighed. "Except that I of course didn't learn all of that after… it happened. I didn't know when my sister was alive." She wiped the tears from her face and tried desperately not to shed any more. "I spent all that time following her, trying to be like her, and I never knew there was something wrong!"

"You were eleven for God's sake!" Emily protested, now seeing the guilt that JJ had been carrying around for all these years. "How could you have known?"

"I don't know. But I keep thinking that if I had known then what I learned later, maybe I could have…"

Emily knew exactly what JJ was going to say and she knew she couldn't let her. "Don't even dare think like that." She said softly as she pulled her friend into a warm embrace. "Don't you dare. You were an 11-year old kid and there was nothing that you could have done. Nothing." Emily repeated as she felt JJ relax a little bit in her arms. It took a while until JJ stopped shivering and the tears stopped falling. JJ slowly pulled away from Emily's embrace and Emily could see that she was doing a little better.

"You know, I always tell victims' families that things will get better in time and that they will heal, but sometimes I feel like such a hypocrite, because the truth is, you don't really heal. You learn to live with it, you learn to accept the horrible reality, but you never really heal completely. God knows I haven't." She wiped last couple of tears from her face. "But live moves on, and you learn to cope I guess. Though I still think about her, you know? What she would be like if she grew up, what job would she have, if she would be married, have children… That sort of thing. I know it's pointless and stupid, but I can't help it."

"It's not stupid, JJ. It's natural that you keep thinking about what might have been." Emily wanted JJ to know that she understood. "If you ever have trouble… coping, or whatever else, you know you can always talk to me, right?" Emily asked wanting to make it clear to JJ that she was always available to her for conversation.

"I know." JJ smiled through tears. "Thank you." JJ took one more deep breath. "And thank you for today, Emily."

"But I didn't do anything." Emily replied, slightly confused.

"You listened." JJ explained. "I guess I just really needed to talk to someone, but I wasn't ready until you showed up."

"Well like I said, you can talk to me anytime. Day or night, I don't care. I'm always there for you, JJ. Always."

"I know." JJ gave Emily's hand a gentle squeeze. "I know."

"Will you be OK?" Emily asked, still a little concerned, though aware of the fact that JJ was clearly doing better.

"I'll be fine, I just need a minute." JJ replied as she was trying to make sure that her cheeks were no longer wet.

"No problem." Emily smiled and once again gave JJ a gentle hug. When she got back to her seat, she was extremely glad that she had decided to go and talk to JJ. She knew it wasn't going to make JJ's pain go away, but she was happy that she was able to make even five minutes of the blonde's eyes a little better. Because looking at JJ's eyes, she knew she had.

JJ once again wiped the tears from her face and glanced at Emily for a second. She figured she would never know how or why Emily Prentiss always knew exactly what she needed, but she was extremely glad to have the brunette in her life. She had always been there for her, always knowing the exact right thing to do or to say. Sometimes JJ could swear that agent Emily Prentiss could read her mind.


End file.
